Thursday, January 24, 2008

Update on aging problems, a thank you to FA, and some news

Well, I had the ultrasound on Tuesday. They couldn't find my ovaries, not looking from the outside and not with the "dildocam" (I love that term). Evidently, menopause shrinks your ovaries, since they aren't working anymore. They did say my uterine lining is thin, which is good, and no fibroids, which is also good. I saw my doctor today for the endometrial biopsy and that was a bust (evidently I have cervical stenosis, which means the opening has shrunk enough that the 1 - 2 mm tool to get a sample wouldn't work). So now I get to see a gynecologist in Feb to see if he thinks I need a d&c or an MRI to figure out what's going on. Probably what will happen is that they'll want to wait and see if the bleeding recurs.
I also got weighed (lost another 4 1/2 lbs and I don't know how, I'm still not exercising any more than I have been for the last 3 or 4 months), and my blood pressure was a bit lower (it was 138/84 the last time I was in, this time it was 134/72). I asked if the weight loss could have started the bleeding, and the doctor said she didn't think so (maybe if I was 48, and had lost a lot of weight, and hadn't had a period in 6 months, but not at my age and not having had a period in 6 years). So now I get to wait a while longer to see what's going on, but I've decided it can't be too bad, no matter what the outcome because we're going to be catching it early if it is anything serious (doc thanked me for calling right away and having it checked, she said she was glad I hadn't waited).
And that's where the thank you to FA comes in. Y'all have helped me tremendously on this journey to loving my body, and part of loving it is taking care of it. Now, I will admit that, in the past, I have been lax about taking care of myself/my body. Part of that was because I was so damned sick and tired of hearing that all my problems were caused by TEH FATZ and if I would just lose weight, I would magically be healed of whatever ailed me. Part of it was probably due to the fact that I bought into the mantra that if you're fat, you don't deserve decent treatment, not from anyone else and not from yourself. Oh, outwardly, I told people to fuck off when they told me I was fat/ugly/stupid/worthless, but I internalized that hatred and did so many things to sabotage my self esteem and my health. I didn't fully realize that I was doing that until I found FA and then HAES. Y'all have opened my eyes, and my mind, to the fact that I don't have to be thin to deserve respect and I don't have to be thin to take care of myself. This body is the only one I'm ever going to have and I had better learn how to take care of it. That doesn't mean I have to be thin, it means I need to love me, ALL of me, and do what I know is best for me, no matter what size I am.
Now for the news. I got an email from FoxTV, asking if I would be interested in appearing on "The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet". Evidently my blog caught the eye of a talent assistant there, and they are looking for women like me with blogs to share our point of view with the world. Now, I don't watch TV in the morning unless DH has a day off work and is watching it, and I've never seen this particular show. Taking into consideration that it's FOX (with all that implies), the fact that DH works, is diabetic and squeamish about giving himself his insulin injections (I do those for him, and don't mind), I just couldn't figure out how I would be able to do something like this. I'm sorta kinda maybe flattered that they considered me, but I had to politely refuse. I did give her some recommendations of FA blogging ladies that I thought would do a great job, so if any of you are contacted by Fox, you can either blame me or thank me, depending on how you feel about the show and appearing on it. I don't know if this is good opportunity to get the word out about FA, I don't know what kind of viewership the program has, or how it will be treated (and I can guarantee you that if I decided to do the show, and they had MEMEMEME ROTH on there with me, they would have to tie me to the chair to keep me from decking that POS masquerading as a woman). Shades of Jerry


  1. This made my day "do what I know is best for me"

    It really did. Also I am emailing you today before I forget again.

  2. Isn't it just so fun to be a girl sometimes...all that poking and prodding. I'd rather go to the dentist any day. Bravo for taking care of yourself. The FA world needs you.

    Hope somebody will do the Fox thing. We need to keep the message out there!

  3. What the hell??

    You were saying before that all your vitals showed that you were perfectly healthy, and you have a blood pressure right at the threshold of having full-on hypertension...the kind you'd need meds for.

    As far as I'm considered, you're a walking heart attack.

  4. anonymous - 134/72 is not high for a 54 year old woman, believe me. If I was 24 and my blood pressure was in that range, I might be worried. The 72 is perfectly normal, according to my doctor, for anyone at any age (I asked). She also said that the 134 is normal for anyone my age. She's not going to worry unless I get up over 140/80, and I've never had blood pressure that high. So, if you aren't a doctor, you don't know fuck about hypertension. And for your information, the phrase is "as far as I'm concerned", not "considered". If you can't even get a phrase right, you aren't going to know dick about squat. My doctor says I'm healthy, and I think she knows a bit more than you do, since you don't have a medical degree.

  5. anonymous - do your research before going ballistic and calling people a walking heart attack, k? I looked up normal blood pressure and the following is what I found:

    < 120/< 80
    Recheck in two years

    Recheck in one year

    Stage 1
    Confirm within two weeks

    Stage 2
    Evaluate or refer for additional care

    Stage 3
    = to or >180/= to or >110
    Evaluate or refer for additional care immediately

    So, as you can see, I am in the Normal/High Normal range and only need to have my BP checked once a year. I am not hypertensive, not even prehypertensive, so I'm not a walking heart attack and you're talking out your ass, as usually happens with trolls.

  6. Dear anonymous, they recently lowered the threshold for what is considered pre-hypertensive and hypertensive, probably to hawk more drugs. Go suck a fuck.

    Dear BFD,
    Dildocam. So delightful.


  7. Kat - thanks. Yeah, the message definitely needs to keep getting out there, that's why I recommended some ladies who I thought might be interested in doing this and better able than I am.

    thoughtracer - I liked that dildocam word when one of the comments on my original post about this used it, so I stole it.
    As far as the blood pressure thing, I knew they had lowered the threshold for BP, just like they lowered the overweight and obese categories on the BMI, and they've lowered the blood glucose readings for diabetes diagnosis. It's all a ploy to diagnose more people with more diseases to sell more drugs, and I'm just not buying it. I don't like taking pills anyway, I'd rather try to correct problems with altering what I eat (as in low-carb for DH's type 2 diabetes).

  8. Heh, every woman loves 'dildocam'. And yes, 'wandmonkey' is the term for the technician who uses said dildocam. We infertiles have all sorts of fun names for equipment, oh yes...

  9. Mr. Anonymous: It's not a single reading that gives you a diagnosis for hypertension, it is a series of readings within a specific time range. Many people's blood pressure raises because of "white coat syndrome" which is a natural reaction to stress.

    Also, it is the diastolic number that is more problematic than the systolic number because diastole occurs when the heart is at complete rest. Her diastolic is within normal limits for a blood pressure.

    Blood pressures fluctuate many times throughout the day. Nobody has ONE standard blood pressure. Sorry to burst your bubble.

    As far as Vesta being a walking heart attack, I can't say that is true or not; but I can say with accurarcy that no matter what your blood pressure is, you are not a very nice person and "the hatred in your heart will cause your bones to become brittle."

  10. my own woman - thanks for the support. I figure as long as my doctor isn't worried about it, neither am I.

  11. Vesta - I so wish you could have done the show; it would have been beyond awesome to see you on television :) But I guess Rachel and Monique will be on instead (I thought BFD was pretty diet-friendly...) with that PSYCHO Meme Roth. It sounds like Fox just wants a freak show aspect here - fat people and a psycho to shout them down, like, you say, Springer. Actually I'm still freaked out hearing they're using Meme Roth - why the HELL does she always get tapped? She's an utter lunatic and one of the most hateful bitches I've ever seen or heard of. Good lord. When will they stop rewarding her lunacy and hatred???

    I would have liked to see you take that one down a couple pegs, with your customary class - but now I'll just have to dream about it lol. Pretty awesome that you got asked though. :)

  12. Um, if this isn't ok, go ahead and moderate it. Anonymous? Feel free to go fuck yourself and die. In fact, go right ahead. You don't have any idea how awesome is the woman you've just insulted...and you're a little tiny pisser beside her. And yes, I can say that without knowing you...just as you did above.

  13. Annie - other than time and DH concerns, that Roth bitch was the other reason I really didn't want to do the show. Not that I knew beforehand that she would be on the show, but it is Fox after all, and they aren't known for their impartiality. I wish I could remember which network had MMR on with Marilyn Wann and Joy Nash, I think those were the two ladies who had to deal with her vitriol, I read about it on one of the FA blogs, but I can't remember which one or when I read it (I've slept since then, at least a couple of I'm afraid it's going to be a case of MMR going off the deep end like she always does, and without knowing what she's talking about (it's all opinions, she has no degrees, no first-hand knowledge, and the facts could walk up and bite her on the ass and she still wouldn't believe them).

  14. Here's a link to a video of what you're talking about:

    I'm gonna go watch the whole thing now. And I can't BELIEVE Roth is denying that she has said "that kind of thing" when it's ALL she says, on her blog and everywhere else. What a deludenoid lol.

  15. Annie, that's the link I saw. And it was Kelly Bliss, not Marilyn Wann who was on with Joy. Yeah, it's probably a good thing I didn't do the show. If I did the show and Roth treated me like she did Kelly and Joy, she would have been picking her ass up off the studio floor (and I'm even fatter than Joy or Kelly). She's bought into the hysteria, hook, line and sinker, and is so invested in it that there is no way in hell she will ever back down. Just watching that video made me want to bitch-slap her.

  16. I'm going through all the google video links of Kelly Bliss - wow, she totally rocks! And she's getting the message out, as much as the media will let her!

    This one - holy crap, the guy is an absolute dick...yet there she is, keeping on keeping on.

    And that doctor - holy hell! The man is totally a FAT GUY and his BMI is definitely "obese" and yet there he is, telling a woman who has ALREADY had stomach amputation, that she might benefit from FAT BLOCKER medication...if you are like me you remember the fat blocker meds and they are NOT NEW. They had them somewhere in the 90s at the very least, and they were deemed a disaster then...and here comes Alli for a short-attention-span generation who thinks nothing has ever been done before, telling people that this "brand new magic bullet" will totally "cure" their fatness! Oh boy how history repeats itself. Sigh. The poor woman who has already had her stomach cut out and wants to take fat-blockers because she, hello, DID NOT get thin from the surgery - My god, someone teach her about HAES and FA!! PLEASE!

  17. I found out the hard way about those fat blockers, well, not the pills, but that Olestra that they cooked the chips in instead of using regular fat. Eat more than a handful of them and spend your day on the can. Sugar-free candy does the same if you eat more than a couple of pieces. Did they put any warnings on them? Hell no, fatties deserve to shit their brains out, I guess. So when they came out with Alli and said one of the side effects was an oily rectal discharge, I said yeah, right, I really need that, on top of the IBS I have from my gallbladder surgery and the WLS.
    Kelly Bliss does rock, indeed. I had her website bookmarked, before I had my computer worked on (lost all my bookmarks, forgot to back them up...duh). I'm in the process of trying to remember what all I had on here so I can add them all again.
    That doctor is probably one of those people who are totally like "Do as I say, not as I do". It's okay for him to be fat, he's a doctor and therefore invulnerable, unlike the rest of us poor peons. Just like the fat fuck government official in the UK who is advocating that fat people don't get health care until they slim down, even though they pay taxes for the national health care system. Yeah, you pay for it, but you're a fat, lazy, ugly, unhealthy slob so you don't deserve health care.
    That woman who has had WLS and still wants to take the fat blockers because she didn't get thin? She's still in that space that says she's to blame for not losing weight in spite of having her digestive system mutilated. Until she has one of those "DUH!" moments, when it's brought home to her that it's not her fault, it's the fault of the diet industry, big pharma, and the medical community for promoting fat hatred, she's going to keep on looking for that "magic bullet" to make her thin. I just hope she has that moment before she dies of malnutrition.

  18. I love anonymous cowards. They make my day. And I hope you are doing well.

  19. Sarah - thanks, I'm doing ok, will be better once they figure out what's going on with my female
    Yeah, those anonymous cowards are just that, too, cowards. Like I care what they think. I don't know them, don't want to know them, and their opinion matters not a hill of beans to me. But it's fun to rag on them once in a while. Most of the time, I just delete them without a comment.


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