Thursday, December 6, 2007

When the truth hurts

Ya know, I read Dear Margo regularly, and I have to say, she's way off base on this one. She pissed me off so much with this advice that I wrote to her and told her so. What I wrote to her:
Dear Margo, your advice to Concerned Friend who has the "very overweight" co-worker is way off base. Being a fat woman myself, who worked before I got married, if a so-called friend came up to me and told me that I needed to lose weight, wear make-up, and change the way I dress in order to snag a man and live happily ever after, she just might be picking herself up off the floor. Do you really think that fat people don't know they are fat? It's not like we aren't bombarded with fat-hate messages on a daily basis, now are we? We don't know that being thin/beautiful/blond/tanned/toned is the life goal for all women, do we?
I'm the same type of woman as the overweight friend, I'm fat, I don't wear make-up, and I'm not fashionably dressed, but I have a husband who loves me, and a nice home. I have a son and daughter-in-law who love me just as I am, grandkids who love me, and my husband's step-kids, wonder of wonders, like me too, JUST THE WAY I AM.
Concerned Friend needs to mind her own business. If their boss doesn't see a problem with the way the fat woman dresses, it's no one else's business either.
Fat and Proud

I want to know why in the hell everyone thinks they have a right to tell people how to dress? Maybe this woman can't afford any better clothes than what she's wearing. Been there done that when I was working. My clothes were always washed, but sometimes they had minor stains on them that didn't wash out, and I had to wear them to work anyway because they were all I had and I couldn't afford to replace them. That could be the case with this woman, no one knows (and it's really no one's business as long as her boss isn't concerned about it). I never wore make-up to work either ( one: I'm not a girly girl and I don't like make-up, it's just not me, two: I'm allergic to most of it and couldn't afford the hypo-allergenic stuff when I worked, three: I'd rather sleep another 15 or 20 minutes than spend that time applying make-up). And there were times I went to work with my hair wet (and it's short, not long) because I overslept and took a shower and washed my hair before I dashed out the door to make it to work on time. Does Concerned Friend know for sure this isn't the case with her co-worker, at least occasionally? And is it really any of her business anyway?
And guess what? I managed to find a husband (not that I was looking for one) even though I'm fat, don't wear make-up, and don't dress fashionably. Gee, who woulda thunk it?


  1. I hear ya! You are damn right. I don't understand why people think it necessary to go out of their way to say anything about how anybody's dresses. They don't pay their bills, they don't live in their bodies. Stupid response on Margo's end.

    Concerned friend definitely just needs to mind her own damn business, she isn't concerned.

    Way to go for letting Margo know!

  2. Sadly enough, Miss Margo isn't anywhere NEAR as bad as Amy Alkon (but if you e-mail Amy Alkon, she'll respond. She won't read a word of what you say, but she'll e-mail you back almost immediately...and keep e-mailing when you keep disagreeing.) But I'm with you. There are plenty of guys who LIKE women who aren't all friffed up all the time...because they know that you pretty much look the same in the morning.

    Not to mention, as a fat chick who tends to employ the minimal-makeup/wet hair/whatever the crap was in the closet and didn't need to be ironed philosophy - I don't always look like that on dates. And I don't have a shortage of said dates, either.

    I found you on the RSS feed on the Rotund's page - and I'll probably be paging through your archives. You sound like my kind of blogger. :)

  3. goingloopy - I just read your postings, and all I can say is "woman, get out of my head" If I had a job like yours, I'd be saying pretty much the same things you are (you should have heard me bitch about the rebate company I worked for at one time).

  4. I actually had a boyfriend (before the current one) who liked seeing me look like a ratbag. It's part of what made him like me. It signaled to him that I wasn't "high maintenance." IOW, men are all different.

    Now, if the friend asked for advice on how to "fix herself up" to attract more men? That would be one thing. But I still don't think a weight-loss diet should be part of the prescription. One of my all-time favorite self-help books about finding a partner, Nita Tucker's Beyond Cinderella, had a four-word phrase I never forgot: "Everyone can be attractive." And no, she didn't just mean anyone no bigger than a size 10, either, she meant everyone. It's perfectly possible to "spiff up your look," if you want to do that, without losing an ounce.

    I bet Margo gets "clobbered," as her late mother used to put it, for this one.

  5. I saw this today and immediately sent it to Kate Harding (I didn't see that you had already commented on it). I'm still deciding if I should reply to Margo.

    I agree that it's none of the co-worker's business if her colleague wears make-up or not. The colleague's weight is also none of her business (and the whole talk about being able to find a husband if the fat woman loses weight is complete hogwash). But I do think that the colleague should be talked to if she wears dirty/smelly clothes to work or doesn't care about personal hygiene. Even if the woman doesn't have client contact she still represents the company, not to mention that her co-workers have to put up with the smell of unwashed clothes or b.o. (ewww).

  6. karin - I agree if that if a co-worker is wearing dirty/smelly clothes, then maybe something should be said, in a tactful way. But Concerned only said the clothes appeared to be unwashed, which could mean almost anything from dirty (not washed at all) to stained but clean to wrinkled but clean. Without actually seeing the woman and her clothes, there's no way for us to know for sure the state of her attire.

  7. If a "concerned friend" came at me with Margo's advice they would probably no longer be my friend.

    I am really saddened by people who think women need to wear makeup and put on a fashion hair-doo before leaving the house. Is how we naturally look so bad?

    Clean clothes are a little more important, but as long as she doesn't stink - I am not sure about talking to her about that either.

    And we all know the weight talk is total bullshit, Margo sucked on this one.


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