A sad day yesterday

We had to take Slick to the vet yesterday to find out why he was peeing everywhere but the litterbox (this is not usual for him) and why he was drinking so much water (the cats have a 2 quart self-waterer and it would have to be filled every day/day and a half here lately).
When I called the vet, the receptionist said to bring him in to be checked, it sounded like diabetes to her (she had had a diabetic cat). When I told DH that, he said that if Slick was diabetic (at 11 years old), we would probably have him euthanized. NOT something we really wanted to do, but this is a cat that fights oral medications and will run and hide from you when he knows you're going to give them to him (and he's nearly impossible to find, too, even in our small house). Not to mention that we're gone on the weekends when DH isn't working so no one would be here to give him his shots (we don't have anyone who can/will come in and take care of the cats while we're gone, we just leave plenty of food and water and a spare clean litter box for them, it all lasts the 2 1/2 days we're usually gone).
So we took Slick in to the vet, she checked him over, drew his blood, and everything was good except his blood sugar. That was 594, and just like humans, cats should have a blood sugar of 71 to 150. Slick was his usual affectionate self, but he was so passive, laying there on the exam table while the vet explained what would have to be done to get his blood sugar under control (diet, medication, more testing, maybe oral meds later on, different food than what Fat Cat eats). DH said we knew about all of that, since he had type 2 diabetes and we had to go through all of that for him. He told her that with us being gone on weekends, the expense, the fact that Slick won't eat any food but the kind he eats now (DH has tried to change their food in the past, doesn't work, they pick out the new food pieces and leave them, and just eat the old ones when you mix the two together), trying to feed two cats separately when they're used to eating whenever they want to (and have been for the last 10 years), and then fighting to get meds in Slick, it's just not fair to the cat, he doesn't understand that we're doing it for his health, he just knows that we're holding him down and sticking him (or giving him oral meds) and limiting his food and when he can eat.
So DH made the decision to euthanize Slick (and then he had to leave, he couldn't stand to stay and have Slick looking at him with those big green eyes of his). I took care of all the paperwork and wrote the check, but I couldn't stay to be with him as he passed either, I was crying as I filled out everything as it was. I don't know how DH even managed to make the decision, Slick was the cat who greeted him at the door every night when he got home from work, was the cat who laid on his computer desk begging to be petted when DH was playing games on the computer, was the cat who drank his diet Coke, lemonade, or whatever else he happened to be drinking, and was the cat that DH would look at and go "What?" and Slick would make this tiny, almost noiseless meow back at him (and do that as many times as DH would say "What?"). Slick and Fat Cat are what got DH through the times when his ex-wife left him.
We spent a lot of time last night talking about Slick, the good times with him, and how he could be a pain in the ass, and I imagine we'll be talking about him for quite a while, until the pain of losing him finally lessens.


DH and Slick


Slick RIP

Another found gem

This was originally titled "The 230 Pound Psalm", but I think a more appropriate title for it is:

THE DIETER'S LAMENT
Author Unknown

Strict is my diet, I must not want.
It maketh me to lie down hungry at night.
It leadeth me past Baskin Robbins, it trieth my will power.
It leadeth me in the path of starvation for my figure's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the aisles of the pastry department,
I will buy no sweets, for they are fattening.
The cakes and the pies, they tempt me,
My day's quota runneth over.
Surely calories and weight charts
shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in fear of the scales forever.

Been there done that, it sucks, and I refuse to do it ever again.

Amazing what you find when you go thru stuff that's been packed away for years

I found this poem today when I was going through a bunch of my old crafting books, trying to decide what I want to keep and what I want to get rid of. It's very apropos for FA.

CONCLUSION
By: Maggie Coffin

I am what I am
My bulk does not open doors
It should not close them

My size is my only difference
Why cannot others see that
My beauty comes from within and without
Just like everyone else

I breathe, love, laugh, and feel pain
The same as others
Do people think my stature protects me
From ordinary feelings

My sense of self-worth should not
Depend on my dress size

I accept myself - gladly - proudly!

If others cannot
It is THEIR problem

I had forgotten I had this, and I've had it so long that the paper I typed it on (yes, it's typed on a typewriter, not done from a computer and printed) is yellowed with age.

Another example of hidden rising prices

This may seem like a small thing, but add up enough of these small things and it's no wonder people can't afford groceries and household supplies anymore.
I noticed when I changed the toilet tissue roll the other day (opened a new package of tissue to do it) that the roll seemed narrower. I thought I was imagining it until I compared the old, empty roll to the new, full roll. The old roll measured 4 1/2" wide and the new one measures 4 1/8" wide. That's 3/8" that the manufacturer has cut off the roll while not lowering the price (so you're paying the same price for less toilet tissue). Just like cereal producers have created smaller boxes of cereal and kept the same price (10 oz where it used to be 12, or 12 when it was 14, etc).
I've been noticing this a lot at the grocery store lately. A lot of items are getting downsized in quantity but not in price (and a lot of the time, the packaging isn't getting downsized to reflect the lesser quantity inside). You don't realize until you open the new package and see how little is really inside that you've bought a downsized product at the old price (and compare the new box to the old box and see that the quantity has changed while the size of the box and the price hasn't).
I consider this a most dishonest way of increasing prices for products. Manufacturers know consumers watch prices closely, and complain about rising prices, so in order to sneak in a price increase, they think, "Let's not actually raise the price where they can see that it's gone up, we'll just put less product in the same size box, charge them the same amount, and we'll get our price increase without them noticing it quite it as soon. And by the time they do notice it, they'll be so used to paying that same price for less product that they'll keep on doing it." When all the manufacturers do it, comparison shopping for the best price doesn't do much good (but I still do it as much as possible, because every penny, nickel, dime, and quarter I save on groceries can be saved for other things we want or need).

Saw both doctors today

Saw Dr W today for my yearly check-up. Cholesterol is good, BP is good, thyroid is normal, everything checked out ok with her. I do have to go in for a mammogram next week (I hate those), and a colonoscopy on the 24th (not looking forward to that either, but once that's done, I'm good for 10 years). It had been quite a while since I'd had a tetanus shot, so I got the Tdap shot (they've had some cases of whooping cough in our area this past winter).
I also saw Dr D today. Since I'm doing well on the minimal dosage of Topamax, she's not going to up it. She also ordered an EMG to see why I have the numbness in my arm (ruling out carpal tunnel), and is sending me to physical therapy for the pain in my neck when I have to drive long distances (or when I spend too much time sitting at the computer). I get to go back and see her again in a couple of months, and I guess we'll be doing another brain MRI next summer (something about keeping an eye on the lesions in my brain, making sure they don't get larger or I don't get more of them, and something else about MS not being much of a possibility after menopause, whatever that means). She also asked me if the Topamax was affecting my appetite in any way. I told her that in the 6 weeks I'd been taking it, I'd lost 6 lbs, and didn't seem to be hungry for snacks between meals like I was before. She said that was good, that Topamax seems to curb a desire for greasy foods (haven't noticed that, I don't usually eat greasy foods anyway, don't agree with me since I had my gallbladder out), and that some people have a problem with how carbonated beverages taste (I noticed that at first, but don't seem to have a problem with it now). She thinks it's a good idea if I keep losing weight, and that's not a battle I'm going to fight with her.
Losing weight is not why I'm taking the Topamax, I'm taking it to keep from getting migraines, and let me tell you, if I miss a dose a couple of days in a row, I'll get a migraine (thank Maude she also gave me a prescription for fiorinal, that will get rid of one if I do get it). If I lose weight, well, so be it; if I don't, that's ok too.
I'm done worrying about my weight, and after looking at the pictures of the women on my dad's side of the family (and these are pictures of my grandmother and her sisters and other female relatives, born between 1900 and 1920), I'm doomed to be fat. Considering when these women were born, and what the life expectancy was back then (and how tall women usually were), these women were exceptionally tall, fat, and long-lived (most were over 5' 5", weighed over 200 lbs, and lived well into their mid-70s-80s). So I don't think I have to worry about my fat killing me any time soon (in fact, that fat is probably what will help me survive any heart attack, stroke, or cancer I may happen to get).

Finally heard from neurologist (and other news)

Well, I finally heard from my neurologist about the numbness in my head/neck/shoulder (which has now spread to my arm and hand). When did she call me back? Friday morning (the 28th, when I called her on the 24th) as I was on my way to Faribault to pick up my son and daughter-in-law so we could go to Illinois to my mother's memorial service. So anyway, Dr D doesn't think it was a mini-stroke or side effects from the Topamax, she thinks it's probably a pinched nerve (and since I was driving on the freeway - well, I had pulled off to the shoulder to talk to her on my cell phone), I told her we would have to talk about it at our appointment on the 11th of September, since I was on my way out of state. At least a pinched nerve is better than a stroke, I guess, but I don't know what the hell they're going to do to get rid of the pinched nerve (or how they're going to find where it is).
I had the ultrasound on my carotid arteries and my thyroid. Carotid arteries are clear, no plaque, so my cholesterol is good (when I told my family members in Illinois that, they all wanted to know how I managed it, told them I didn't have a clue, just lucky, I guess). My thyroid is enlarged and has nodules, but Dr W doesn't seem worried about it, she says my TSH level is normal. I wonder what she'll have to say when I tell her my paternal grandfather had thyroid cancer and my mother had thyroid problems. I think maybe I need to ask her to do some more testing, maybe on the T3-T4 conversion, the TRH, and antibodies. With a family history of thyroid problems, it's not something I want to mess around with.
I found out what my mother passed away from. She had had ovarian cancer several years ago, and the tumors came back with a vengeance. Eventually, she had to have her bladder removed. And the last time the tumors came back, they strangled her small intestine and she couldn't eat or drink anything (this started back in April, from what I understand). In early July, the surgeon went in and closed off her stomach and put in a drain (anything that she drank went into her stomach and out the drain). He called everyone in and told them that there was nothing else that could be done for her. My aunt asked him if, basically, my mother was going to starve to death. He said yes. She hung on until August 20th, and my aunt said it was not an easy time for her at all.
I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to see her before she died, but I'm not sure if it would have done any good for me to have been there. She was a very stubborn woman (and that's one way in which I take after her). All I can say is that I hope she's in a better place now.
The memorial service was nice, and I got to see quite a few family members I haven't seen in more years than I care to think about. DH got to meet my dad (and they like each other, which is great), and he met my brother and likes him too. He also got to meet my aunt and the rest of the family (and he likes them all). He's even said that we'll be going back to visit, maybe this year before the snow flies. If not, definitely next spring, which makes me very happy (I finally feel like I fit into the family, which I never have before). And it's not that expensive for gas to get there, it cost us less than $175 for gas there and back (and that was almost 1400 miles in my 2001 Windstar).
A lot has been going on, it seems like I just get one dilemma solved and something else happens. I know life can be interesting, but I'm about ready for some dull and boring for a while.

Update on carotid/thyroid ultrasound

I had the ultrasounds on my carotid arteries and thyroid today. The good news is that my carotid arteries are clear and I have a good, strong heartbeat (I knew that), so my cholesterol must be pretty good, no plaque in my arteries at all. Bad news is that my thyroid is enlarged, more so on the right side than the left (and I knew that too, since when I try to sleep on my right side, it feels like something is trying to block my airway and makes it hard to breathe unless I tip my head back). I also have a nodule on the left side. Don't have a clue what that means, and don't know when I'll find out. Dr W should have the results of the ultrasounds back by 3 pm tomorrow afternoon, but if she doesn't call that afternoon or Friday morning, I won't know anything until Monday (Mike and I have to go to Illinois for my mother's memorial service on Saturday, she died last Thursday morning). I swear, it never rains but what it freaking pours.
And I'm beginning to think I'm a piss-poor example of fat acceptance because I'm thinking this thyroid problem could be a blessing in disguise. If it's not serious, don't do anything about it until I've lost about 100 lbs or so, just because I'm so damned sick and tired of not being able to find bras to fit, not being able to find cute clothes at reasonable prices (yeah, I know, it's a vanity thing, but I'm sick of not being able to find what I want in a size to fit me, everything I like is just one or two sizes too small). If I could lose that much weight, maybe I wouldn't be in so much pain all the time either (and that alone would be worth it). It's not that I give a rat's ass what other people think of me and my fat, because I don't. If they don't like looking at my fat ass, don't look. And I know my body isn't going to look all that great naked if I do lose a lot of weight, I'll have all that loose skin hanging off me (I'll remind me of the saggy baggy elephant.....lol). And none of that matters. What will matter is how I will feel physically. Will my knees hurt less, will my back hurt less, will I be able to walk more, will I be able to do more things with my husband than I can do now? Will I have to worry about having another stroke (and I know it's probably not my being fat that caused it, but I still wonder, those voices are still there telling me that if I wasn't so freaking fat, this wouldn't have happened). None of this was going through my head until I had this mini-stroke and now I'm second-guessing myself and blaming myself for not trying harder to take better care of myself, even though I don't know what more I could have done, since I know dieting and WLS don't work for long-term, permanent, safe weight loss (and thyroid problems probably don't either). Shit, with everything that's going on, I'm feeling like a real dipshit right now.

I hate waiting for the doctor's office to call back.

Man, I really hate waiting for the doctor's office to call back when I have a question about side effects of a medication I'm taking. One of the side effects of Topamax is tingling and numbness in arms and legs. Of course, I'm weird enough that the tingling and numbness I have is not in my arms or legs, it's in the back of my head, on the right side, and runs down the right side of my neck, front and back, all the way to my collarbone and out to my shoulder (the right side of my face and part of my lower lip is numb too). All I want to know is if this is a usual thing, and will it eventually go away. Dr W's office hasn't called me back yet (and it's been an hour since I called them) and Dr D's office hasn't called back either and I called them 6 hours ago.
I tried calling the emergency room to talk to a nurse there and they just transferred me to my doctor's office. Fat lot of good that did me. If this is something serious, I want to know if I need to stop taking the Topamax, or do I need to take something else and if I do, what is the something else I need to take and are they going to call in the prescription for me?
I've been taking the Topamax for a month now, and the numbness just showed up on Saturday (I noticed it when DH and I were at his ex-SIL's house and I brushed my hair after riding in the truck with the windows down, was just a bit wind-blown). So when we got home, I looked up side effects of all the medications I'm taking, and only Topamax has numbness listed as one of them. I just hope it's nothing serious, it didn't sound like it from the websites I checked, but I'm not sure I trust them.

Update at 5:30 PM - Well, the nurse from Dr W's office called back, and Dr W is on call tomorrow and I need to make an appointment to see her, she thinks I might have had a small stroke and she wants to check me over to make sure I haven't. From what I can see, the tests look like they can take a long time and I don't have time to mess with that shit this week. I have places to go and people to see and things to do this weekend that can't be delayed.

Talk about getting Xmas shopping done early!

DH had the day off today and he decided it was time to go Xmas shopping (he called the kids a couple of months ago and asked what they and their kids wanted for Xmas this year). So, since we had their lists in hand, and the money in the bank, a-shopping we did go. And most of it is now done. We have 2 granddaughters to buy for (if their mother ever decides to call and let us know what they want want, if not, they get gift cards), and I still need to get something for my son for his birthday and for Xmas. Other than that, we're done. It's all bagged up and on the top shelf in the bathroom, so it's ready to be wrapped whenever I get around to it (probably sometime after Thanksgiving). I don't even have to buy wrapping paper, tags, or cards this year because we bought plenty after Xmas last year when it was all on sale. I love having it all done early.
We did get the dog neutered for Jon and Tina for Xmas, but we're also getting them each a small gift to open when they come up so they won't feel left out when everyone else is opening gifts. I'll probably get Jon a book from the Science Fiction Book Club, he and I like some of the same kinds of books in sci-fi/fantasy (and I got Tina a dolphin figurine for her birthday and one for Xmas, too).
Our cellphone contract was up this month, so DH and I were looking at new phones today (neither of us really liked the ones we got last year when we renewed our contract, well, we liked them when we got them, but the liking sure didn't last long). I got a Nokia camera phone and he got a Sony Ericsson camera phone. I have to see if I can find memory cards for them and car chargers, but they were both pretty easy to set up. And T-Mobile was really nice about giving us our ringtones back. They only let you have your ringtones if you've purchased them in the last year, and ours were purchased on Aug 15, 2008 (but they sent them to us free of charge anyway, the service rep at T-Mobile thought it was pretty cool that DH's ringtone is "Summer of 69" by Bryan Adams and mine is "Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica; he said you can't get much farther apart, musically, than that). So DH's phone is black and red, and mine is silver and teal (or silver and red, or silver and brown, depending on what color cover I want to use). Now I can get pictures of Jon's dog (and take the memory card out and put the pics on my computer with my memory card reader, finally).

Doctor visit today

Well, I don't know what's up with my body, but Dr W wants to do some tests. When I saw her today to follow up on the migraine headaches, and to tell her how things are working out with the relafen and Cymbalta, I told her that I'm freezing my ass off in the house (DH likes to keep it around 65 to 70 degrees in the summer). I used to be able to handle those temps just fine (and the cold in the winter never bothered me at all), but now I'm putting on a sweater during the day, and adding a blanket to my side of the bed at night. I'm constantly shivering and getting gossebumps from chills, so Dr W wants to check my thyroid and my cholesterol (she's going to do a fasting blood sugar too). That's scheduled for the first part of September (she's going to be gone for a couple of weeks) and then I have a physical, pap, and mammogram scheduled for the next week, along with a follow-up with Dr D (the neurologist).
I will say that the relafen and Cymbalta have helped a bunch with my sleeping. I can actually sleep at night and not have my back cramp up, even when I sleep on the beds in motels (and those beds are harder on my back than our bed at home). I can actually get out of bed in the morning and walk upright like a normal person instead of bent over like I'm some ancient crone. Of course, it's not helping much with the back cramps when I'm walking or standing (although my knees haven't been bothering me quite as much, it is easier to get up from chairs now than it has been).
I have to take my log of blood pressure numbers in when I go in for my physical because my blood pressure today was 170/100 (taken with a regular BP cuff on my left forearm instead of a larger cuff on my right upper arm, which could have made the difference, along with the white coat hypertension). When I got home and took it with my wrist cuff, it was 132/73, quite a huge difference. It's hardly ever that high at home (I think maybe 3 or 4 times in the last 4 months). I've been keeping track of the days I check my BP, the time, and what it was, so I'll print that out and take it in when I go in for my physical.
I haven't had a full-fledged migraine since I started taking the Topamax, so I'm hoping it's working. I did wake up the other morning with a sorta kinda maybe migraine behind my left eye (where they always start), so I took a fiorinal and it went away without getting any worse, which is something new for me. I hope the Topamax keeps working, I could get used to not having migraines.