That's it, I'm fucking done with this shit.

Edited to add: If anyone on the Illinois side of the family is reading this, don't take it out on my son. He has nothing to do with this, my opinions are not his opinions, and he has no say over what I publish on my blog. And really, family, get over yourselves already. You've got your knickers all in a knot over what I post on my blog because you think everyone in Pana is reading my blog and they'll know all the family dirty laundry. Do you really think our family is all that interesting? Only if you're in love with soap operas. As for all the shit that went down when I was a kid, I'm sorry, but it was known among the people who knew Mom how she treated me. How do I know this? When I was an adult, I don't know how many people came up to me and told me it was a shame that my mother abused me (these were people who babysat us kids, were neighbors, etc). So anything I've posted on here about Mom is old news. Get over it already.

I tried to call my aunt today because I was told she was mad at me, about the shit that went down with my niece. Well, she only has my niece's side of the story and I wanted to tell her my side of the story.
I hadn't said anything to her about any of this bullshit because she was in the hospital recuperating from the accident and I figured she didn't need to deal with family drama on top of everything else. But no, my niece had to stir a turd and go tell my aunt her side of the story and make me out to be the big bad bitch, saying I told everyone in the town where they live all the family dirty laundry. Supposedly all of this was posted on Facebook (my niece unfriended me, BTW).
My niece was the first one to post anything on Facebook, in a passive aggressive way, about me duping her (because I'm not devastated by my mother's death). All I said on Facebook was that she was talking about me, that she didn't really want to go there on Facebook, and if she did, I would air the dirty laundry there. That if she wanted to cut me out of her life, to go ahead and do it, that I had lived without her in my life for 17 years, I could live without her in my life for the rest of my life. That anyone who knew my mother (her precious grandmother) knew how she was and wouldn't be surprised by anything I had to say. Or words to that effect. But I did not air any dirty laundry on Facebook at that time.
So I called my aunt today to talk to her about all this shit. All I got to hear from her was how disappointed she was in me, that they had to live in that town. When I told her Traci started the shit on Facebook, she hung up on me. This is the aunt that stuck up for me against my mother, says she loves me, but won't listen to my side of the story. I guess I'm supposed to forget 40 years of abuse like it never happened, let my niece take over abusing me where my mother left off, and not say a word about it. Well fuck that shit. I worked too goddamned hard to get away from that kind of abuse and find my self-esteem and I'll be damned if I'm going back to it.
I cut my mother out of my life because of her abuse of me, and NONE of my family gave enough of a shit about me to call me or look for me or write to me, not even my aunt, when I left Illinois 17 years ago. If I want contact with my aunt, I have to call her, even though she's had my phone number for years (every time my phone number changes, I call her with the new number). In 17 years, I can count on the fingers of ONE fucking hand, with fingers left over, how many times she's called me. As for the rest of the family, they've never called me (well, Traci called to tell me Mom had died, BFD). They called a couple of times to let me know how Dad was doing after the accident, now I hear nothing from them about how he's doing because they're all pissed off at me over what I said to Traci (my niece). I'm sorry, if the truth about my mother hurts, TOUGH SHIT, BITCHES! I had to live through that shit for 40 fucking years, none of them have the right to tell me I can't talk about it on my blog or anywhere else, for that matter; none of them lived through it, none of them know what it was like. It just happens to be common knowledge in that town that my mother was a bitch and abused me when I was a kid - if they want to hide their heads in the sand about it and think it's forgotten, well, sorry, everybody else might have forgotten it, but it's something I'll never forget and I don't think it's something I'll ever get over, no matter how hard I try (and believe me, if 10 years of therapy couldn't do it, I don't think anything can).
So you know what, family? You can all SHUT THE FUCK UP! You don't really give a shit about me, you never have and you aren't going to convince me otherwise. The only person in the family in Illinois that I care about now is my dad, the rest of you can do whatever you want. I have my family up here and they're all I need now. I thought I needed you guys in my life, but I don't need more abuse and more bullshit. If you can't face facts, and want to think everything has always been fine and dandy, then go for it. But I know what the truth is, I've faced it, and I'm trying to deal with it, and most of the time, I deal with it just fine - until I run into people who deny the reality of my existence. Well, get over it. It was real, it happened, and I'm going to continue to talk about it.
You think these things need to be hidden and kept quiet so that no one knows, because it shames you. You should be ashamed, you let it happen and didn't do a damned thing to stop it. For years I thought I deserved the abuse, that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, whatever enough. That if I could just change, the abuse would stop. Yeah, right. It wasn't something wrong with me, it was something wrong with the person who was abusing me.
The more people speak out about abuse, the more people who are being abused will know that it's not something they deserve to have happen to them. Then maybe people who are being abused will find the strength somewhere to leave their abusers, get help, and find a way to make a joyful life for themselves. You seem to think I'm blogging about this to make your lives hell, but really, I think about your lives just about as much as you think about mine - in other words - not at all.
And you know, it just hit me, I think y'all just might be a bit jealous. I left Illinois 17 years ago and made a life for myself and basically told Mom to fuck off. You all stayed there and kept kissing her ass so she wouldn't treat you the way she treated me. That's really a sorry way to have to live your life. And when she was dying, and you knew she was dying, you kept right on kissing her ass. You all kept asking her if you should call me and let me know that she was dying and she said "What for?" Even though you all thought I should be there, or at least be told, NONE of you had the balls to go against her and call me until she was dead. WTF could she have done to you if you had called me against her wishes? You didn't have to tell her you had called. Did you really think I would have come down there? And if I came down there, did you really think I would have made a scene? Come on, you can give me more credit than that. I might be a bitch, but I'm not that big a bitch. If I had come down there and she had said she didn't want to see me, or had said anything nasty to me, I would have said "Sorry you feel that way" and walked out. I tried twice to make up with her, and she wasn't having any part of it, so why would this time have been any different? And why would I have made things hard on Dad? Making a scene with her would have made things hard on him and I have no reason to do that to him. Which is why I was civil to everyone at the memorial service. Yeah, it would have looked real good if I had gone around singing "Ding dong, the witch is dead" wouldn't it? You all said it was so great to have me back in the family, but you want me back in the family on your terms, which means I have to toe the line just like I did when Mom was alive. Sorry, I quit toeing that line 17 years ago, and I'm not going to start toeing it again just to be part of a family that never really wanted me in the first place.

All I ever wanted.....

Ya know, all I ever wanted was to fit in. To be accepted and loved for who I was, to be viewed as a worthwhile person, in spite of my flaws. And I do have flaws, boy, do I have flaws. I wish I didn't, but some of those flaws are not my fault, they're the result of things that were done to me as a child, and later on as a teenager and an adult. It's water under the bridge and can't be changed. I don't know if I'll ever be able to completely let go of the anger and pain - it seems that every time I have, something happens to bring it all back again (and maybe I hadn't let it go, maybe I'd just buried it).
But, I've never felt like I've fit in anywhere, and I've always felt like the odd man out in any setting I've ever been in. There's a saying that family has to take you in when no one else will. That's true, in a way. It may not be the family you're born into, it may be the family you've built for yourself through friendships and marriage (and sometimes, that family is closer than the family you were born into).
I'm going to consider myself lucky that I have my dad back in my life, I've had my aunt in my life for quite a few years now, and I'm getting to know my cousin again. I think they accept me for who I am and love me anyway (at least I hope they do, I know I love them, a lot). And I'm certainly lucky to have my husband. He loves me just the way I am and accepts me, flaws and all, and I love him, flaws and all. I have my son in my life and I love him and his wife, too. I have grandkids in my life and I love them and they love me. So I guess I've finally found that place where I fit in and am loved and accepted by the ones who really matter to me. It's not completely the family I was born into, it's partly my birth family and partly the family I've made for myself, but it's mine and it's where I fit, finally.

Taking charge of my health - in spite of my doctor

Got home from vacation last week - went to see my dad in Illinois and caught up on family news. Also found out more about our family health history, and what I learned didn't make me happy with my doctor.
Now, Dr W knows that my paternal grandfather had thyroid cancer and my mother had hypothyroid problems. She knows my thyroid is enlarged and I have several nodules. What tests has she ordered to check my thyroid function? TSH and that's it - she thinks that's the only one that's necessary, even with the family history she has and the results of the thyroid ultrasound scan. I've been trying to get Dr W to do further testing of my thyroid, but she says it's not needed right now, my TSH levels aren't high enough (at 3.5, I think she said). So I decided, fuck her, I'm going to find an endocrinologist and get this checked out on my own. Well, guess what - can't do that. Have to have a referral from Dr W. So I called and set up the appointment with her for next week to tell her I want a referral to this certain endocrinologist (who is taking new patients and takes TriCare and Medicare, thank Maude, I love my Google-fu). She's going to have order a pre-T3, pre-T4, and another TSH. Then she's going to have to fax the results of those, my demographics, any progress notes, and my thyroid scan to the endo. I have a feeling Dr W is not going to be happy about that, but I don't really give a rat's ass. It's my health she's pissing around with, and I don't want to end up like my grandfather - 85 years old, with thyroid cancer so advanced that it can't all be removed because if they took it all, he wouldn't be able to talk or swallow. He was told afterward that even with chemo, he only had 3 - 5 months to live (he fooled them, he stuck around for another 5 years).
So, I also found out that my maternal grandmother had to have B-12 injections, as did one of her sons and my mother (yeah, that's good news for me, what with having had WLS....NOT). Lovely news, that. Luckily for me, I've been taking sublingual B-12 for the last 6 months or so, hoping it would help with fibromyalgia symptoms, so hopefully that will help.
Then, I was reading on the Yahoo support group for WLS survivors that some of us are ending up with MS after 10 to 15 years or so. Just what I needed to hear, especially since my neurologist had brought that possibility up last year when I had the MRI done for my migraines - she found a couple of lesions that could mean MS and wanted to do another MRI in a year to see if there was any progression. Well, it's been more than a year, I think (I've slept at least a couple of times since then, and my memory just isn't the greatest when it comes to what happened when anymore). Since I have to see her next month after I have the EMG to see why the carpal tunnel surgery didn't solve the problem of the numbness in my right hand, I'll ask her about it then.
I keep telling myself that I don't have it as bad as other survivors of WLS, that I don't have as many of the debilitating complications as they have - but I tell you what, if I had had any idea of how fucked up our family medical history is and what the real complications of WLS are (the ones that they don't tell you about when they're getting you to sign on the dotted line for having the damned surgery), I would have told my nurse practitioner to stick it in her ass. That I'd stay fat and suffer with fucked up knees and fight to get them replaced when necessary instead of having to deal with all the shit I'm having to deal with now.

Roaman's latest catalog has 2 pages of FAIL!

I got Roaman's latest catalog in the mail today, the one that expires 10/1/10. There is a section in it for plus+ size living presented by Brylane Home. Now that's all well and good. There's a lot of good stuff in there - chairs that will support up to 500 lbs, wider hangers for clothing, fanny packs that fit up 72" waists - you get the idea. I don't have a problem with any of that. It's a good idea, and I can deal with that and might even order some of the stuff one of these days, if I have a need for any of it. What chaps my ass though, are the two pages devoted to kitchen items from Biggest Loser (yeah, the TV program that hates fat people and wants to do away with us). WTF is up with that, Roaman's! I mean, really. You're marketing plus-size clothing to fat women and you have the unmitigated gall to throw in diet apparatus from Biggest Loser in your clothing catalog? Ya know, as much as I like your denim boot cut leggings, I can get them at Woman Within, in the same colors and same sizes, for the same fucking price, and not have to deal with looking at shit merchandise from Biggest Loser, a show that hates fat people and wants to make us disappear, and treats us like shit.
I'm seriously considering not buying from you anymore.

ETA: I went to Roaman's website and found their Contact Us form. I contacted them all right. Below is a copy of what I had to say to them on their contact form:

I received a catalog from you, expiration date of 10/1/10, with a section of plus size living presented by Brylane Home. I don't have a problem with that. The problem I have is with the 2 pages of products that are The Biggest Loser (TM) branded items.
I don't watch that show because of the way they treat fat people - the disrespect, the unsafe dietary practices, and the over-exercising that they recommend for weight loss, all of which are unsustainable in the long run and can do damage to one's body, not to mention to one's mental and emotional health. This is a program that hates fat people, wants us to disappear, and you're putting their products in your catalog of clothing for fat women (and yes, I identify as a fat woman, I'm not "plus size" or any other euphemism, I'm fat, it's a descriptive word, not a pejorative word). That is so many kinds of wrong, I can't even begin to list them all.
I buy all of my boot cut leggings from you because I like the quality, the fit, and the price. But, since you are going to have The Biggest Loser (TM) merchandise in your catalog, I'll have to find those leggings elsewhere. I refuse to patronize a retailer who has so little regard for its target demographic.

I'll update this if I hear anything back from Roaman's.

Fat & Happy = Enjoy Being Fat?

I'm having a discussion, so to speak, with a person on Facebook about WLS. She thinks getting a lap-band is safe as long you've done all the research and follow all the surgeon's directions for "lifestyle" changes.
Personally, I don't think any WLS is safe, no matter how much research you've done, no matter how well you follow the surgeon's directions for lifestyle changes. I said that until they come up with a way to make fat people thin that has no negative side effects and doesn't kill people, I would stay fat, healthy, and happy and continue to live my life in spite of everyone who tells me that I can't do that until I get thin.
Then she comes back and says that knives kill - am I going to stop using knives? I told her: Analogy FAIL! Knives also have other fundamental uses that don't kill when used properly. WLS surgery, even when used "properly" still kills people, and doesn't work as it's intended to work - make fat people thin. Bottom line - if you're willing to risk death on maybe getting thin, then I'm not going to tell you that you can't do it (your body/your choice), but like I said, don't come crying to me when the surgery fails you and the surgeon blames you for the failure (and believe me, it will happen, it has happened too many times in the past and will continue to happen too many times in the future as long as people keep buying into the fantasy that they can't have a life until they get thin). You can talk until you're blue in the face and you'll never convince me that WLS of any kind is a good idea - been there done that, got the t-shirt/hat/keychain/poster, thank you very much.
Then she says: Okay. You'll stay fat. That's fine. Some people don't enjoy being fat. Besides, a lot of surgeries kill people. I'm sure WLS doesn't kill anymore people than the average surgery does.
*headdesk*
My response:"How many other surgeries have a 2% mortality rate within the first month after surgery? How many other surgeries have a 20% mortality rate 5 - 10 years after surgery? None that I know of that are elective (and WLS is elective, it's not a surgery that's immediately necessary to save a life) and done on otherwise healthy people (and in spite of what has been said, most people who have WLS are, for the most part, healthy, they're just fat and their doctors refuse to look beyond the fat for any other cause of any problems those fat people may be having)."
I never said I enjoy being fat - I said that until there's a way to make fat people thin that has no bad side effects and doesn't kill fat people, I'll stay fat, healthy, and happy (what, I should be miserable until I can get thin? Yeah, right, ain't happening). I'll continue to live my life in spite of everyone who tells me I should give up and hide until I meet some arbitrary ideal aesthetic. Nope, I'm going to keep on being fat at the world and if the world doesn't like it, tough cookies. If more fat people had my attitude, there would be a lot less overt fat bigotry in the world because the bigots would be afraid to open their mouths.
Now, maybe being fat, healthy, happy, and living my life being fat at the world might mean to some that I do enjoy being fat. Maybe it really means that I have farther to travel on the road to size acceptance than I thought. Maybe it means I'm making the best of my life as it is, with the body I have (even though it's not the body I'd like to have). I don't know.................

Please sign the petition to stop fat hatred on Facebook

If you haven't seen the petition to stop fat hatred on Facebook on another blog, it's on the sidebar here. Please sign it and help us get Facebook to put a stop to all the groups promoting hate speech against fat women (and men, but they're mainly going after women).
Atchka, of Fierce, Freethinking Fatties, started this campaign. One group has disappeared from FB, but there are over 300 more, and some of those groups have over 100,000 members. That's a lot of hate, folks, and it carries over into the real world. We've all had to deal with the haters in our lives, and I agree with Atchka - it's time to draw a line in the sand and say "This is unacceptable and intolerable and we're not going to take it anymore."
FFF also has some great ideas on Guerrilla Activism (and if you check out that link, you'll find a couple of other posts that have some good ideas, too).

Dear Abby misses it again - as usual when it comes to fat

I just had to take Dear Abby to task today over advice she gave to a woman who wrote asking what to tell a patient who asked if she was "happy with the way I have let myself go." Letter-writer had been dealing with her mother's cancer over the period of 2 years and her mother had recently died. LW works in a medical office, and sees patients as often as every 3 months or as seldom as once a year.
Naturally, dealing with the stress of her mother's illness and death, her weight has fluctuated in that time. She asked Abby how to deal with the comments about her weight.
Abby's advice?

I see no reason why, if someone is so insensitive as to mention your weight, you shouldn't let the person have the truth with both barrels. If that doesn't shame him or her into an apology, nothing will. However, because you prefer to conceal it, try this response: "You know, I gained this weight the old-fashioned way -- one bite at a time, and that's the way it'll have to come off."

No, no, and hell, no!!! My response to Abby follows (yeah, I wrote her a letter):

Dear Abby,
This is about Impatient with My Patients In Rhode Island from July 10, 2010, who gained weight when her mother was sick and dying/died of cancer. Your answer - that she should tell people who commented on her weight gain that the weight would come off just like it came on - one bite at a time - is less than stellar. Since when is it anyone's business whether Impatient is happy with her weight or not? Your answer perpetuates the myth that others have the right to comment on anyone's body, which is definitely not so (her body, her business).
How she gained the weight is no one's business, and whether she intends to lose it or not is no one's business. A much better reply would have been for her to say "Why do you want to know?" accompanied by a cold stare. That puts the onus back on the asker, and usually makes them feel like a fool for asking a question that is none of their business (which they rightly should feel).
You're also assuming that Impatient gained the weight by overeating, which may not necessarily be so. If she was under a great deal of stress dealing with her mother's illness and death, that can wreak havoc with one's metabolism, which can cause fluctuations in weight without a change in eating habits (so you perpetuated a stereotype, thanks a lot....NOT).
You really need to educate yourself about Health At Every Size and Fat/Size Acceptance if you're going to give advice to fat people. Perpetuating stereotypes and body-shaming is not the way to help fat people deal with a fat-phobic world (and even those who are not-so-fat but have put on few pounds for whatever reason).
Sincerely,
Fat and Proud in MN

Need to vent - extended family sucks!

Right now, I don't care if DH's ex-family reads this or not. I'm so pissed off at most of them that I could spit nails.

Some background info - One of DH's stepsons (K) is married, but legally separated from his wife (J). They have 2 girls (aged 10 and 11 years). K and J were in the process of getting a divorce, K had a girlfriend, J has a boyfriend, so both of them were moving on with their lives.

K got sick, ended up in the hospital, and it's serious. He's been diagnosed with ADEM, which is a brain infection (acute disseminated encephalomyelitis). Treatment for it is either steroids (he can't take those, he's allergic) or blood transfusions and plasma infusions. The doctors have said his recovery could take 2 to 5 years and they don't expect him to make a full recovery (so the divorce is on hold for now).

Right now, he's in the nursing home attached to our local hospital. He can't walk on his own (one side of his body is very weak), and he can't communicate other than to say yes, no, what, really, and fuck you. And those aren't always said in the appropriate circumstances. He can't even write his name or anything else right now.

So why does this whole situation have me so pissed off? His wife is doing everything she can to make sure that he's taken care of properly, and is signing over all rights for his medical power of attorney to his oldest brother (B), so that the rest of the family can't say that she's taking advantage of K's vulnerability. What's the rest of the family doing? Well, for people who didn't do much visiting with K when he was well, they're really concerned about him now, but not so concerned that any of them are willing to step up to the plate and take care of his bills or offer to take him in and take care of him (other than the 2 oldest brothers). All they can do is bitch about how they don't trust his wife to handle the money from the up-coming benefit (that her friends are setting up) for K, and if she has access to that account, some of them refuse to contribute. This is in spite of the fact that, even though they are legally separated, she has to carry him on her health insurance at her place of employment. Which means she has to pay premiums and co-pays out of her paycheck. She's signed K up for SSDI, but the nursing home will take all of that. But evidently K's family don't think that J is entitled to take any money donated at the benefit to cover co-pays on K's medical bills.

All this backstabbing and bitching is going on on Facebook, and since DH and I have friended most of them (well, all but his ex-wife, K's mom, I was friends with her on FB and she unfriended me, now all of a sudden, since K is in the nursing home in our town and we can go see him more often than anyone else, she wants to be friends again), this shit shows up on my wall every fucking day. I keep telling myself, stay out of it, you aren't related to any of them, you don't owe any of them anything.

The thing is, J and I get along, K and DH get along, and whatever happened in their marriage is between them, none of my business (yeah, J and I talked about their problems, and I told her "do what's best for you and the girls and don't worry about what anyone else thinks, they don't have to live your life, you do").

I told K's twin sister in a FB message (she tried to drag me into the fighting) that none of them should care who is doing what for K, as long as it gets done, and it's in K's best interest. But I don't think any of them are really thinking about K at all. If they were, they wouldn't be posting this shit on Facebook for him to see, and he will see it when he gets better. They aren't taking into consideration how he's going to feel when he reads the shit they've said about his wife, especially after all she's been doing for him, nor are they thinking about how he's going feel about seeing the pictures they've taken of him while he's sick and they've posted on FB. All they're thinking about is how this affects them, they don't care how it's affecting J or K or their daughters.

But DH and I will be there for J, K, and the girls - the rest of the family can go fuck themselves for all I care. And I thought my family had problems..............

I like this doctor (humor)

His practice has no room for new patients! (Gee, I wonder why that would be? vesta44)


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry.. My philosophy: No Pain....Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! ...... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
CONCLUSION.....
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Maxine has done it again.......

Senior health care solution--according to Maxine







So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?



Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives (no one says you have to kill them, wounding is preferable). Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.



And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.


IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!

My aunt sent me this quite a while ago, and I just got around to posting it.